Experience....

As life goes on and I find myself getting older, I realize that the value of age and "experience" is real! Now don't take that the wrong way. I am not saying that the young but highly educated do not have anything to offer,because they DO. Nor am I saying that one must experience the situation at hand to genuinely empathize with those who are hurting. But as I age and experience more in life, I realize the value that experience holds.

In January I will have worked as a social worker with foster children for 2 years, and in the field for 3 years. Time flies! And in those short 3 years in the field my ears have heard more than one should have to, my mind imagined more than I thought possible, and my heart ached for complete strangers in a way I never believed it could. I have learned that the human struggle is real, and that love goes so much further than correction or hostility. That saying "All you need is love" has rang true all too many times, in my experience.

Being a mother of two young children has made my job a bit tougher, at least in my opinion. I find myself connecting to the children on my caseload on a deeper level. I find that my countertransference (yes that exists outside of the therapy world!) is harder to manage and most of my "kids" (clients) look to me as their mother just as I look at them as my children.

When I see my kid's hearts ache, mine aches too. When they face difficulty, I do my best to fix their problem. And when I see an opportunity to uplift them, teach them, or love them -- I give it my all. Just like a mother would to her own. So how can one not be so incredibly-super-attached to these beautiful beings dealt the worst hand this world has to offer?!

For the most part I cope while working in this field by shutting off my emotions that I carry for these children. I have to stay strong for them so that I can be as beneficial as possible. But every so often I allow myself to feel what is really in my heart for each of them and I find my heart aches.

I recently said goodbye to a very special child on my caseload. We had connected in a unique way and I know in my heart I helped her realize how special and important she was like no one had before. It was so incredibly tough to say goodbye and I NEVER allow myself to grieve for these losses. But this time my heart just wouldn't let me ignore my true feelings about this goodbye.

I miss seeing this special child each week, I miss being a special adult in her life, I miss encouraging her to do her best, I miss listening to her and truly hearing her like no one else did. I am hopeful that she will forever know that she is special and that people do care about her because of the love and understanding she experienced with me. But I am still sad, sad to say goodbye. And ultimately, sad that I cannot save her from this tough, tough world.

I know I am not the only one working in this ever-so-draining-helping-field who has experienced such grief. But I do think many of us choose to never talk about the grief or maybe even choose to not acknowledge the grief we feel when we have to say goodbye to clients. Until recently, I never realized how much I grieved for my clients. But now that I stop to reflect on my experiences, I realize how much I do grieve. 

It is impossible to work so closely with other human beings, to be so engulfed in their daily struggle, their pain, their heartache, and to not feel those things in your own heart. I think most of us have to keep a strong outlook on things or we would never make it in this field. But every once in a while a client "gets you". They get you, and they tug on your heart like you thought no one could. They force you to feel things you want to push away and they encourage you to experience the things we fear most! It's tough, but I have found it to be a learning experience. :)